What actually matters to you?

The inclusion of the word “actually” is important because typically a lot of things matter to us. Doing a good job at work, spending time with the family, having a nice car, having enough vacation time, making progress on our goals; all of it matters. In the end though: what actually matters?

When I initially brainstormed this post, I was coming from a place of emphasizing our values and our key facets of life. Establishing what matters helps us define what is essential, and knowing our values helps us make decisions. A good way to determine what actually matters is this age-old question: At the end of your life, what do you want to have done to feel whole?

And then my sister-in-law died.

She was 43.

While the original point of this post is still valid, it behooves me now to ask: what do you want your last words to be? What do you want your life composed of so that when it’s time to say your last words, they are spoken without regret?

My sister-in-law’s last words were, “It is well.”

She then spent a week in a coma fighting for her life and wasn’t able to say anything else.

When I was informed of her last words, I didn’t believe it. I expected, “Tell my family I love them.” To be in that space mentally and emotionally as your body is going through Tumor Lysis Syndrome after weeks of debilitating pain and a Stage Four cancer diagnosis is astonishing.

What I took from this was a sign that she had narrowed down what actually mattered. She may have had regrets, but in the end she was so strongly aligned with her values that she went with grace. There was no, “I wish I had done X.” She found her footing in the chaos and embraced it.

What would it take for your last words to be, “it is well?”